


Unintended

by Sasassy



Series: TG Rare Pair Week 2015 [6]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Amputation, Aphasia, Canon - Manga, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Injury Recovery, M/M, Medical Conditions, Physical Disability, Tokyo Ghoul Rare Pair Week, Tokyo Ghoul Rare Pair Week 2015, Tokyo Ghoul: re
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-06 13:26:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4223403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasassy/pseuds/Sasassy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Touka finds Hide after the Raid, she puts up with him for Kaneki's sake, to honour his memory. She didn't expect this sentiment to ever change - until it does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unintended

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Rare Pair Week Day Six, the prompt was First "I love you".

It started with visits every other week when they deemed it safe enough.

 

##

 

It was ridiculously easy to get to him. To Touka it was mindboggling how a CCG hospital wouldn’t have any RC scanners at their visitor entrances – but they didn’t and she could just walk right in. She’d told the nurse at the reception that she was looking for a friend who’d been missing for weeks and gave her his description. The nurse had asked around and after some time she came back with the news that yes, they had a patient fitting the description she’d given.

 

She was led to his room in Intensive Care, and Touka didn’t know a lot about hospitals or how humans healed since she wasn’t one, but she knew enough to understand that Intensive Care meant business. And then she was led to the coma ward and her stomach dropped. Up until that moment she’d expected him to greet her with his usual upbeat demeanour and annoy her so much she’d have to leave, but in the end he didn’t do any of that.

 

It was weird seeing him with his orange hair slowly growing out and the brown roots taking over, his face devoid of his usual smile, instead his lips were wrapped around the tube of the ventilator. She could see that some fingers of his right hand were missing and so was his left arm. His left shoulder wasn’t visible underneath the hospital gown he wore but Touka could see that it didn’t look the way it should.

 

It took her one second to know he’d never be the same again.

 

“It’s him,” she’d said to the nurse, with a voice that didn’t sound like her own at all, and she’d shown Touka how to sanitize correctly so she could go inside.

 

 

##

 

 

Touka made sure to always visit during the day when she knew the Doves were working and wouldn’t check up on him. Yomo had found out that Hide had worked for them for a few months and he’d almost begged her to stay away. They were still in hiding and tried to get their life back on track after all and it hadn’t been that long since the Raid, just a few months. But Touka was stubborn and ignored his pleas. She kept her visits as random as possible, always choosing a different day and different times so it would be harder to track her down should they happen to find out.

Hide wouldn’t mind her being so inconsequential with her visits or staying away for a few weeks.

He wasn’t conscious anyway, so he wouldn’t get lonely or used to her being around him. That was the only upside to his whole situation Touka could see.

 

##

 

After her fourth visit sitting next to him in silence for the permitted time a nurse with gentle eyes and a soft voice talked to her.

 

“You know that even comatose patients are said to be aware of their environment?” she asked with a kind smile and Touka shook her head. She hadn’t known.

 

“Should I just talk to him?” she asked, uncertain of what to do. They hadn’t been friends and all she knew about him was second-hand through Kaneki or the few interactions they’d had at Anteiku and that one time at Kamii.

 

“Talk, sing, read – whatever you think he enjoys. Some also say that the voice and touch of a loved one lead the patients back to consciousness. Maybe you should try that too,” the nurse said with a wink and left.

 

Touka huffed. Her, his loved one. That assumption was ridiculous. The only loved one he’d had was missing himself and Kaneki was the reason why she was here. She was doing it for him because she knew he’d want someone to take care of his best friend. Especially now that he couldn’t.

 

##

 

The next time she visited she brought a book and read to him.

 

##

 

After the books she brought music she thought he would enjoy and started playing it during her visits. She told him about how boring her life was; so boring that she actually started to be like Kaneki and read a lot, even books he’d left behind. She could’ve sworn she saw his eyelids flutter at her statement but nothing more happened. She sat, frozen to her chair, almost holding her breath so she could concentrate on him, but the beeping of the machines monitoring his vitals stayed even, his form stayed still.

 

Nothing happened.

 

##

 

The anniversary of the Raid came and Touka decided to spend it at Hide’s side. She should have maybe stayed with Yomo, he had seemed pretty shaken up considering his usual stoic front but one call to Uta and he was taken care of. Touka needed to get away for a few hours, away from the grief she saw every time she looked at Yomo’s face, away from the cold silence that filled the holes in their life left behind where their family and friends used to be.

Looking at Hide’s unconscious form wasn’t much better either, but at least she could confide in him more easily. He wouldn’t look at her in pity like Uta sometimes did, or with profound sadness like Yomo did all the time.

 

Sanitizing herself had become a ritual of relaxation for her and she always took some extra time pulling back her hair and scrubbing her hands. Afterwards, she put on the provided scrubs and entered his room. The sounds of the machines didn’t freak her out anymore, she rather considered them familiar background noise that rooted her into the present.

 

“Hey Hide,” she said quietly and moved a chair next to his bed. Usually, she’d start rambling about what had happened in her life since her last visit before she went on to read for him, but she didn’t have a mind to do that today.

“It’s been a year already,” she started mumbling and cut herself off as she felt her throat closing up. It was still hard, thinking about the day that had robbed her of her family and home. “Exactly a year and it still hurts like hell. You’d think it gets better but it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. It stays just as shitty and I’m done feeling like that.”

 

Hide didn’t react. Of course he didn’t, but Touka still felt disheartened.

She reached out her hands and took Hide’s only one left and squeezed it gently.

 

“We can’t find Ken,” she whispered and had to bite her lip to keep her voice levelled. “We’re searching so hard, but we can’t find him. Please, Hide, you have to wake up and tell us what happened. I’m begging you.”

 

Nothing happened.

 

##

 

One day a few weeks later Touka came and Hide was gone. Panic bubbled up in her chest as her mind supplied two possible options. Either they’d moved him and didn’t tell her or he’d di- ... She shook her head violently at that thought. He’d been fine the last time she was here, as fine as he could be, so there was no way he’d be dead. Then again ... she’d never talked to his doctors about his condition. She wasn’t family so she didn’t have any rights to information and she hadn’t wanted to draw unnecessary attention to herself. And he had seemed fine, comatose but fine. He definitely hadn’t seemed on the brink of death to her.

 

She walked along the coma ward, peeking inside rooms to see if they had just moved him into a different one, but she couldn’t spot him anywhere. He couldn’t have died, he was young and strong and healthy and his injuries were healed, he was getting better, the nurse said talking to him would make him better, he couldn’t have died on her after all those months spent trying to get him back to this world.

 

“Excuse me, can I help you?” a gentle voice asked and Touka turned around. It was the nurse who told her to talk to Hide.

 

“Yes, actually, yes, I need help,” she said out of breath. “The guy I visit, the one from Room 405 ... where is he?”

 

“Oh, didn’t anyone tell you?” the nurse asked and Touka felt a wave of nausea hit her. Soon she’d say it. He died. She’d go on and say he died and Touka fucked up the only thing Kaneki would have wanted her to do, keep his best friend safe.

 

“He was improving so much, so we changed his medication. He woke up a few days ago. He’s in the regular ward now,” the nurse said and smiled kindly.

 

“What?” Touka managed to get out in a huff of breath.

 

“Your friend woke up a few days ago,” she repeated and now scowled. “Are you okay?”

 

“Y-yes, I’m just ...” She needed to sit down. And she did. Right where she stood, in the middle of the corridor.

 

The nurse kneeled down and put her hand on Touka’s shoulder. “You look awfully pale. Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

“Yes, I’m fine,” she answered and suddenly a giggle escaped her. He didn’t die. He just came back to the living.

 

“Do you want me to take you to him?”

 

“Please,” Touka nodded and let herself be helped to her feet. She followed the nurse silently and mulled over what she could say to Hide. Talking to him while he was in a coma was one thing, he hadn’t been aware of her then, but this was completely different.

 

“There you go, his bed is right at the window,” the nurse said and pointed at him.

 

Touka’s breath caught as she saw him sitting almost upright, almost as if he was holding himself up. His eyes were open and aware and he was staring out the window, watching the bird sitting on the window sill. They’d cut off his hair, the orange was completely gone now and he looked so different with this brown messy mop.

 

“Just be patient with him, okay?” The nurse said and then left, leaving behind a puzzled Touka. What did she mean by that? Her statement discouraged her and she felt even more nervous about seeing him today. In the end she gathered all her courage though and walked over to him.

 

He didn’t acknowledge her at first and Touka just stared at him, too unused to see him awake to say anything.

 

“Hey, Hide,” she finally said and managed a tiny smile. “Took you long enough to get around again.”

 

He turned towards the sound of her voice, slowly, as if the movement caused him pain, and searched her face. Touka’s palms started to sweat as he continued to scrutinize her so closely.

 

Then he smiled and his eyes almost lit up like she remembered them doing.

“T-t-” he started to say but his face fell and he closed his mouth again.

 

So that was what the nurse had meant.

She felt like a bucket of ice water was dumped over her body, but she kept a straight face anyway and put on her best customer smile.

“Yes, it’s me, Touka. So you remember me?” she asked and approached him slowly, as if he was a wild animal and she could scare him off by moving too quickly. He nodded at her.

“That’s great. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t know how to explain to the nurse why I kept visiting you for months.” She pulled over a chair to his right side and plopped down, way more cheerful than she felt. She knew what it felt like to be pitied and treated like a fragile being, so she wouldn’t do that to him. She’d treat him as she would have before, even if he had trouble talking.

 

He mumbled a word and Touka listened closely. It was hard, his speech was slurred as if he was drunk but if she concentrated, it could work. It sounded like visit.

“Yes, I visited you. I heard you went missing and we searched for you. I found you here six months ago.”

 

“We?” he asked and he looked so hopeful, Touka wanted to cry.

 

“Yes, Yomo and I. You don’t know him, but he helped a lot.” She wanted to slap herself as she saw him thinking about her words and then his whole posture dropped and his head fell forward.

 

“Ka-,“ he started but Touka interrupted him by taking his hand.

 

“I’m sorry but Kaneki isn’t here. He’s missing,” she said quietly and squeezed his fingers in hers but he pulled away, arm stiff and ungainly, and he tucked it against his belly. He wasn’t looking at her but she could see his glassy gaze fixed on his own lap.

“We can’t find him, but we are searching for him. And ...” She knew it was a cruel thing to say, especially considering his state, but she had to get it out. “We hoped you could tell us what happened to him.”

 

Hide flinched a little at her words and looked up at her. For a moment it seemed as if he would say something, but in the end he just turned away from her and laid down facing the window.

 

Touka knew that she’d lost him for the day and made to get up and go home when she heard him sniffle. He was crying.

She felt like a proper ass for upsetting him but she also realised that he had a right to know. Still, the pang of guilt in her chest didn’t go away.

 

“I’m sorry Hide,” she said softly and touched his shoulder. “We’ll find him. I promise.”

 

He didn’t react to her, so she left soon after. On her way out she asked the nurse about his condition and noted down words she’d never heard before so she could look them up at home.

 

At home she went to Yomo and begged him to train with her. She came at him with fervour, determined to get all of her anger at this shitty world out of her once and for all.

 

##

 

She came back three days later, with flowers and a children’s book to teach him talking and reading again.

 

##

 

It was a slow process, but Hide was making good progress. She remembered how bright and enthusiastic about languages he’d been, so he was more recipient to relearning all of that. Or so his speech therapist had told Touka.

The nurse she’d talked to a few times had arranged for his therapist to answer any question Touka might have and afterwards she felt like she finally understood what was going on with Hide. She’d also asked for advice as to how she could best help him in his rehabilitation.

 

She was visiting at least every other day now, but mostly she came every day if it was possible. She still kept her schedule – first talk about her days, then show him new music but instead of reading to him she read with him now. It took weeks to finish the first book she’d brought. Hide tired quickly and needed naps every two hours or so, sometimes even more frequently than that. Sometimes she’d visit and he was already asleep. Sometimes she’d try and wake him up but that usually didn’t work, so she just sat next to him and read quietly to him while he rested.

 

After two months he could say her name without stuttering and he’d smiled so brightly at his first successful try that Touka couldn’t help the splitting grin taking over her own face.

 

That first success was followed by others quickly. Three weeks after mastering her name he was able to read Japanese characters again, although they still hadn’t touched on Kanji. He was able to process the words in his minds, or so he’d told her, and when he tried to read them out loud Touka could almost make them out without straining her ears.

 

 

They never talked about Kaneki.

 

##

 

Five months after his sudden awakening Touka finally had some good news to share.

 

“I’m opening another coffee shop next week,” she told him and he beamed at her.

 

“That’s awesome!” he exclaimed and Touka felt warm pride flood her chest as she heard him say it fluently and without pause.

 

“Yeah, Yomo and I really wanted to open one for at least a year now. And finally we can afford it.”

 

“Coffee?” he asked and looked at her hopefully.

 

“I will bring you coffee, I promise. I’ll even do my fancy latte art,” she added with a wink when she saw him opening his mouth again and he grinned.

 

“Take your word.”

 

“You can take me by my words, I don’t break promises,” she answered.

They’d spent so much exercising his speech that Touka could understand about anything he tried to communicate by now. Sometimes she’d know what he wanted to say before he’d get it out and he’d get angry at her for not even letting him try. But when this happened, when his words were jumbled and another person would be confused but Touka was still able to get his intended message right, he’d look at her with his brown eyes radiating joy.

“Do you remember what we talked about the other day?” she asked him and looked intently at him. He was watching her lips as it helped him focus on her words and understand them better. “When we talked about our future?”

 

“I do,” he said after thinking about it for a few seconds. “Uni?”

 

“Exactly,” she confirmed and touched his forearm. “I decided what I want to do now. I want to become a speech therapist.”

 

At first he just blinked at her while he processed her words and tried to make sense of them. But then he belted out his trademark laugh and tried to hug her awkwardly with his still stiff arm.

 

“Great, Touka! Great!” he exclaimed and she found herself holding onto him tight and basking in his enthusiastic warmth a bit before she let go again.

 

“Thanks, Hide. I’m glad you approve. I just realised that I really enjoy doing this with you. It makes me happy seeing you get better and how happy you are about it. I want to help other people too.” She made a short pause so he could fully understand her before he tipped his head in their agreed upon _I got it, go on_ sign. “I won’t start right away, I want to get the coffee shop up and running first. But still, I won’t be able to come here every day anymore. Is that okay with you?”

 

His face fell a little, as she’d expected. They’d grown close in the last few months and visiting him daily had become such a fixed part of their lives that seeing each other less would feel weird.

 

“I know it sucks and I will try to come by as often as possible. It’s just a warning that I might not have as much time anymore.”

 

“Be fine,” he said defiantly and Touka knew he meant _I’ll be fine_. He still had trouble using correct verb tenses.

 

“I know you will be fine,” she said softly, even though she knew he just said it to make her feel better.

She could understand him, though. She already wasn’t okay with it either.

 

##

 

The opening of :RE came and went and suddenly it had been five days since Touka had visited Hide. She quickly prepared a cappuccino, as she remembered him taking it, and designed a little rabbit with the foam. She knew it would probably disintegrate before she arrived but at least she’d tried.

 

When she finally arrived at the hospital, after being stuck in public transport for twice the time it usually took, she was already expecting to be held back from going in as visiting hours were nearly over. Hide’s usual nurse was there though and allowed her in, despite the glares of the nurse at the reception.

 

“Thank you,” Touka said and bowed. “I got a new job and coming here was impossible the last few days. I don’t want to let him wait any longer.”

 

“Your boyfriend will be happy to see you. He misses you,” the nurse said amiably as they walked to his room.

 

Touka didn’t correct her wrong assumption since it would be easier to just roll with it. If they thought they were a couple, they wouldn’t question her presence and she’d be safe.

She bowed again as they came to a stop in front of his door and Touka knocked before walking right in.

 

“Hello,” she said in a small voice. She really did feel bad for making him wait so long. Maybe he was even angry at her.

 

“Touka!” He almost took her down with his boisterous embrace and she nearly spilled his coffee. Well, that was new.

 

“Hey, you’re up. Having a good day?”

He’d been in need of extensive physical therapy since his severe blood loss had not only affected his language region but also his motor skills. He tired quickly when he was standing up and walking was still a draining chore, so she was blown away that he’d crossed the room just to hug her.

 

“Yes, it’s good,” he panted and she could see him breaking out in a sweat.

 

“You idiot,” she scoffed and put his arm around her shoulder while placing hers around his waist so she could help him walk back to his bed. “You’re gonna over-exert yourself with shit like that.

 

“But I’m glad,” he said as if that justified over-estimating his stamina.

 

“I can see that. Still, you have to take care of yourself first.”

He lowered himself slowly to his bed and sat down with a soft and relieved sigh. Touka was flattered that he’d go as far as to put such a strain on his body just to hug her because he’d missed her, she couldn’t remember anyone ever doing such a thing for her before, but it was reckless and angered her too.

 

“Here, I brought you coffee,” she said and tried to get rid of the pissed of tone she could hear creeping in.

 

“Leave.”

 

Touka almost dumped the coffee over him at his statement. What had brought this on? He’d just been happy to see her and now he wanted her to leave?

“What?” she asked in a squeak she wasn’t proud of.

 

“Ah, sorry,” he said and scratched his head in embarrassment. “I leave. Not you.”

 

“You’re leaving? Why? Where are you going? Hide, are you okay?”

She sat down in her chair and stared at him in worry. He looked back at her, obviously overwhelmed with the onslaught of questions fired at him. “I’m sorry,” she apologised and took a deep breath to calm down. “What do you mean by you’re leaving?”

 

He didn’t say anything but held out a brochure to her. He didn’t retract his arm though and Touka knew he’d really want the coffee now. She took off the cap since he couldn’t with one hand and saw that at least a bit of the bunny was still identifiable when she squinted.

“My latte art didn’t make it, but it’s still a little warm,” she said and handed it to him.

 

He took a sip and closed his eyes and hummed in appreciation. “Best.”

 

“Thanks,” she laughed. He’d always insisted that her coffee and latte art was the best in Tokyo. Kaneki had told her so multiple times.

He was busy with his beverage now so Touka took her time to look over the brochure. It was on assisted living and she understood that he’d be leaving the hospital soon. He couldn’t live alone yet, of course.

 

She tapped his knee so he would look at her.

“This sounds pretty good,” she said and pointed at the brochure. “Have you decided where you want to live yet?”

 

He shook his head and took another sip. “Want to know your address.”

 

“My address? Why?”

 

He stared at her lips and she knew he’d try to form a whole sentence now. For some reason staring at her lips helped him focus on his own words. He took several deep breaths before he had a go at it.

“I want to be close to you.” It took a long time for him to say it since he had to enunciate every word on its own and take a break in the middle but he’d done it. He’d said it correctly.

 

Touka was overcome with pride and another emotion she couldn’t quite put her finger on and she found herself tearing up as she held his sincere gaze.

 

“Of course,” she breathed and he smiled. “We’ll find something close to me, I’m sure.”

 

##

 

They did and within the next month Hide was released from hospital and Touka helped him settle into his new home. They had to get a wheelchair for him, since he wouldn’t be able to walk so much on his own yet but neither of them minded. Touka pushed him while hebasked in the bustle of the city. He hadn’t been out in ages and the garden at the hospital didn’t count.

 

Hide’s new place was just ten minutes from :RE and Touka’s apartment, so she’d be able to visit him or his nurse could take him there if he wanted to. They were happy to have found such a perfect place, given that it was hard to find one that suited his needs in Tokyo. Unpacking his things was easy. Most of his belongings were already here. Hide had told her his address months ago and she went there to see what had happened to his apartment and salvage anything of his that might have been still there. The landlord had given her a key and she’d found it dusty and smelling weird but otherwise in good shape. The landlord had told her he’d taken out the mouldy garbage and bad food from the fridge but left it untouched otherwise since the rent was being paid on time. Touka was puzzled at that but she didn’t question it.

 

Yomo had taken care of bringing Hide’s belongings to his new apartment and equip his room with his few books, hundreds of CDs and video games.

 

“I’m sure you’ll like it here,” Touka said as she helped him up from the wheelchair so he could go into his new place standing on his own feet. He held onto her as they walked through the first room, a combined kitchen and living area, over to his new room. He had a roommate but she was at physical therapy right now.

 

“I hope so,” he said between heavy breaths and his fingers gripped onto Touka’s shoulder tighter.

 

##

 

The anniversary of the Raid came again and Touka found herself counting down the minutes until she could close :RE and visit Hide. It didn’t hurt as much as it had last year but the ache in her heart was still there and too raw for her liking. The fact that there were still no news on the whereabouts of Irimi, Koma or Kaneki or the fact that Hinami hadn’t been in touch with them for almost two months didn’t help.

 

“Go,” Yomo said as the last customer had left. “I can take care of the rest on my own.”

 

He didn’t have to say it twice, Touka was already on her way to get changed.

 

It wasn’t until she stood in front of Hide’s door that she hesitated. Would he even know the significance of that day? Even if he didn’t, playing one of his video games with him would make her feel better for sure. Even if he beat her single-handedly again. Pun intended.

 

She knocked and waited for his nurse to open the door. She bowed to him in greetings as he stepped aside, telling her that Hide was in his room and having a bad day.

 

Touka rubbed her face tiredly as she took off her shoes. Maybe he did know the significance after all.

She knocked on his door and heard his muffled _come in_ , so she did. He was in bed, covers pulled up to his nose despite the warm temperatures.

 

“Hey,” she said quietly and sat down on the edge of his mattress and pulled down the covers a little. Those were definitely tear marks on his cheeks. “You okay?”

 

He shook his head no.

“Yeah, me neither,” she answered and her own eyes burned with unshed tears now too.

 

“Two years,” he mumbled and Touka knew she had assumed correctly.

 

“Yes, it’s been two goddamn long years,” she agreed. Sometimes she wished he would talk about that day, about what had happened to him, but he never did and she didn’t push him. The memories were probably too painful.

 

“He did this,” he suddenly said after some minutes of silence and Touka twitched in surprise.

 

“Who did what?” she asked.

 

Hide took a deep breath. “Kaneki,” he said the name with every syllable pronounced on its own. It was the first time he said it since he woke up. “He did this.” He pulled up the sleeve of his t-shirt and revealed his scarred and deformed shoulder to her for the first time. Touka tried not to gasp but she failed. She wanted to apologise for her insensitive behaviour but he stopped her.

 

“Don’t. I know it’s ugly,” he said slowly and his gaze dropped from her face. He rested for a few minutes and Touka didn’t press the matter but she did take his hand instinctively. If he wanted to talk, he would do so of his volition and she would show him she was there for him.

 

“He was a ghoul ... dying, I wanted to help. He ate,” he said brokenly and fresh tears slid from his eyes now. Touka tried to act shocked at his first statement but he surprised her once again. “I know you too. You’re a ghoul.”

 

Her first instinct was to run, flee, and hide somewhere. Humans weren’t supposed to know her secret. Especially not humans formerly affiliated with the CCG.

 

“Calm down, Touka. It’s okay,” Hide said and gripped her hand tightly in his. “I knew all along.”

 

Her world unhinged and spun out of control. He’d known all this time? Even when he’d worked for the CCG? And he hadn’t sold her out? Why?

 

“About Kaneki too.”

 

“Why didn’t you sell us out to the CCG? You were working for them for months. Or even now. You could give them my name and I’d be done for.” She was getting hysteric now. This wasn’t what she wanted from this evening. She wanted comfort, not anxiety and panic because her cover was blown and had been blown for years.

 

“Touka, please calm down,” he pleaded with her and tugged on her hand so she would look him in the eyes. “I will not betray you,” he said slowly and clearly.

 

And Touka believed him. His eyes were so sincere, he couldn’t be lying to her.

 

“Why?” she asked almost inaudibly. It didn’t make sense to her. All her life she’d known humans couldn’t be trusted. Humans finding out about a ghoul’s identity only brought death and grief. And yet here they were and Hide apparently accepted her nature. It didn’t make sense.

 

“Because ... I love,” he mumbled and stumbled over his own words.

 

Touka smiled at him fondly. She’d never told anyone, mostly because she hadn’t understood her own feelings for so long and as soon as she had figured them out, she’d pretended that she didn’t have them. It had been easier that way. Maybe it was time to confide in someone. “Me too, Hide. I love Kaneki, too.”

 

He threw her a puzzled look. “No, I mean, yes ... I love him too,” he said slowly, needing several short breaks as he usually did when he was nervous or unsure about saying something. Touka frowned. Why would he be nervous?

“You,” he finally said and looked at her intently. “I love you.”

 

Touka’s mouth dropped open, gaping at his admission. He _loved_ her? Her heart raced in her chest and it was getting harder to breath, his words were weighing on her so hard; she felt they were crushing her.

 

“Hide,” she gasped and she didn’t even know what she wanted to say. He was her best friend and she loved him too, but he didn’t mean platonic love, he meant a whole different sort of love and Touka didn’t know how to deal with it.

 

“It’s okay. You don’t ... have to ... don’t be mad,” he pleaded with her and his soft brown eyes looked at her almost sadly now and all she wanted to do was make him feel better.

 

“I’m not mad. Just surprised,” she managed to say. Surprised was an understatement though, she was shell-shocked.

 

“I know you don’t … feel like this for me. How could you?” he said and scratched his head. “With me being this way.”

 

“Hide, that’s not true,” she said quickly and frowned at him. She hadn’t known that he had thoughts like this. “There’s nothing wrong with you. And I do care about you. Just-“

 

“Not this way,” he concluded and gave her a weak smile, but he couldn’t look at her.

 

They fell silent for such a long time that Touka started getting restless at the awkward air of the room. She didn’t know what to say. All she had wanted from the evening was talk to him about that day two years ago and maybe let him hug her until she felt better. She hadn’t expected this evening to turn out like that.

“Hey,” she started off, voice shaky and thin. “How about we play that one game again?” She put on some fake cheerfulness to lighten the mood again. “Maybe I’ll be able to finally beat you.”

 

He chuckled, obviously relieved that he hadn’t made a mistake by confessing to her but at the same time he sounded sad. The events of this day two years ago were probably as fresh in his mind as they were in hers but neither could talk about it any more that night. They needed to distract themselves.

 

“You wish, I’ll annihilate you,” he retorted and Touka gaped at the way he just said the word without any trouble whatsoever.

 

“I practised. So I can say it to you,” he shrugged and stuck out his tongue as she moved in to pinch his side.

 

In the end she left much sooner than she usually would. His earlier words hung heavy in the air and she caught herself watching his every move in caution. She felt bad for it, Hide would never do anything against her wish and she knew it well. Still, his confession was eating away at her, coiling in her stomach like she had eaten something bad and she couldn’t even rest her head on his shoulder like she usually would. Touka needed some time to mull everything over.

 

At home she went straight to bed and cuddled up under her covers. She fell asleep, wondering what the weird coiling motion in her stomach that seemed to spread to her heart could mean.

 

##

 

She realised what it meant two days later, as she smiled so fondly at a simple text message that she could feel herself lighting up a whole room with it.

 

##

 

Hide was slowly reading a book out loud to himself when she entered his room and locked the door. Before he could even say hello, she had straddled his thighs and put her hands on his shoulders. He stared at her, stunned speechless by her actions and Touka seized his stupor to sneak her hand into the collar of his shirt.

Shocked by her bold move, he awkwardly gripped her wrist and tried to stop her.

 

“What?” he asked and stared at her with wide eyes. “What are you doing?”

 

Touka could see the pieces falling into place as his eyes widened even more and his mouth formed a surprised little _oh_.

She couldn’t find the courage to answer him anyway, she just kept moving her hand further in and the second started tugging at his shirt. She hadn’t realised before but now, she wanted it off. Immediately.

 

But he kept stopping her and she finally relented a little, looking at him with her question blunt in her face.

“I’m ugly,” was all he said in answer and Touka’s heart broke a little at that.

 

“Don’t,” she said and wriggled out of his grip to pull his t-shirt over his head. “You’re not ugly.” She caressed his scarred shoulder, her fingers dipping into the valleys that resembled bite marks and finally her palm slid gently along the stump were his arm should have been. She could feel him writhe underneath her and hear him gasp and she leaned down to touch her lips to his puckered and wrinkly skin, mouthing one word against it.

 

_Beautiful._

 

Her sundress had ridden up and Hide gripped her bare thigh, fingers digging into her supple flesh.

 

“Hide,” she said to get his attention and leaned back a little so he could look at her. He tipped his head and she brought her hands up to cup his cheeks.

“I love you, too,” she whispered and she kissed his curled lips, responding to his wide and happy grin with one of her own.

 

##

 

After two long years, their lives were somewhat okay again.

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to write :re Touka is giving me headaches because there just isn't enough of her to get a grip of her character yet. I hope I didn't mess her up too bad.


End file.
